R is for Rescue
by Cleo the Muse
Summary: Sit around and wait to be rescued? Does that sound like SG-1 to you?


**R is for Rescue  
**Older Kids  
Gen, Friendship, Humor, Team  
Episodes: Season Ten or later  
Warnings: None  
Synopsis: Sit around and wait to be rescued? Does that sound like SG-1 to you?  
Notes: Written for Fig Newton's Team Alphabet Soup  
Status: Completed as of July 8, 2010

* * *

**R is for Rescue**

"Hold... still... will you?"

"I am... Hey!"

"Yeesh... Get a room, you two."

"Actually, sir, we're trying to get _out_ of one."

"Doesn't look that way to me."

"Bite me."

"Was that an invitation, Daniel?"

"You shall do no such thing, O'Neill."

"_Hey!_"

Everyone froze, turned, and looked at the incredulous-looking Cam. "What the _hell_ is going on?"

Vala gleefully held up her right hand, which had previously been secured behind her back, shackled around the same pillar as Daniel. "We are rescuing ourselves, Cameron."

The colonel looked pained. "Could we do it a little more _quietly_?"

Jack, shackled to the same pillar as Cameron, snorted out an aborted laugh. "Daniel and Vala haven't stopped arguing since they threw us in here... I think being quiet now would be suspicious, don't you?"

"Besides, it's not like they can understand us," Sam chimed in, grunting a little as she worked on the lock on her own restraints.

"Yeah, they speak only a variant of Mandarin..." Daniel added, glaring over his shoulder as Vala "accidentally" brushed his butt again while working on her remaining shackle. "But we learned that lesson, _didn't _we, Mitchell?"

"Aw, c'mon! How was I supposed to know they'd find that phrase offensive?"

Teal'c glowered menacingly. "I believe that was the reason we were allowing Daniel Jackson to act as our sole translator, was it not?"

"Yes!" Sam crowed, raising her newly-freed left arm triumphantly.

"You're slow," Vala scoffed, raising _both _arms.

"You've had more practice."

"Ladies!"

"Wait your turn, Cameron... Daniel's first, then Muscles, _then _you and the general."

"Fine, fine. So... what's the plan _after_ we're all unhooked?"

Jack rolled his shoulders. "Carter hotwires the security panel, you and Teal'c jump any goons outside before they can sound the alarm, and Daniel will translate the directions to the nearest exit."

"And I'll scout ahead for any more guards!" Vala volunteered.

"No, Teal'c will do that. You and Sam hang back and guard Daniel, while Cam takes our six."

Cam nodded, then frowned. "And what about you, sir?"

"Ah, _I_ get to supervise."

Two simultaneous exclamations of triumph had Sam freed and Daniel with one hand released. Sam immediately rose and approached the Goa'uld locking mechanism next to the door, while Vala—having obviously gotten the hang of the locks—quickly finished freeing Daniel and Teal'c. By the time Sam had the lock a shorted circuit away from springing open, Vala had the last of the shackles opened. Sam handed over the hairpin she had borrowed to pick her own locks, and the former thief triumphantly returned both decorations to their proper places securing her bangs. Daniel was not going to forgive her any time soon for having to retrieve both clips with his teeth, especially since the whole team had been running and sweating for hours before being captured, and her hair was hardly fresh-smelling.

"Ready?" Sam asked, and when the team nodded in agreement, she crossed two wires and the door popped open.

The guards waiting on the other side were unprepared for a fight with a Jaffa and a Sodan-trained human, and were quickly disabled and disarmed. Vala secured them using the shackles the team had only-recently been tied up with, and SG-1 slunk quickly and quietly out of their former cell. Teal'c took point with one of the staff weapons in-hand, while Cam brought up the rear with the other. The once-opulent palace of a long-deceased Goa'uld was now a barely-lit ruin, and the team was sticking to the shadows as much as possible, just in case their escape was discovered.

Since someone had oh-so-helpfully painted directional markers on the walls, Daniel was able to guide the team to a servant's entrance near the palace kitchens. They surprised the cooks working on the warlord's evening meal, tied them up and gagged them with whatever was handy, then stole as much food as Daniel and Jack could carry.

"Wait... this way!" Daniel whispered, pointing into the darkness.

"The 'Gate's that way," Jack replied.

"O'Neill, I believe Chun Ko has left his _tel'tak_ relatively unattended."

"Its hyperdrive is broken, remember?" Vala hissed.

"We don't need it," Sam answered, brightening. "All we need to do—"

"—Is fly it to the 'Gate," Cam finished. "Sweet."

Jack glared. "Stop stealing my lines, Mitchell."

"Sorry, sir."

In the end, the ship was commandeered with ease, Vala and Teal'c fought over who got to fly it—Teal'c won by physically removing Vala from the pilot's seat—and the team feasted on their stolen food while the cargo ship soared off to the Stargate. What had started off as a friendly trade negotiation had turned nasty when the SGC refused to give the local warlord the weapons he wanted—a situation further exacerbated by Cam's ill-timed insult—and now SG-1 was making off with Chun's one and only spaceship.

And, to add further insult to an increasing injury, before stepping through the 'Gate, Sam and Vala left a staff weapon on overload inside the ship.

SG-1 emerged on the Alpha Site in jovial spirits, got Colonel Pierce to dial up the SGC for them, and strolled down the ramp just as SG teams 3 and 5 were gathering in the 'Gate room. Grinning cheerfully, Jack couldn't help but call out, "Great rescue, Hank!"


End file.
